Being with a widower is not as daunting as it may sound. The only difference between going out with a man whose wife has passed away and any other guy is that you will need more patience. However, it’s important to apply the same standards to a widower as you would to any other man. It doesn’t mean you aren’t empathetic to his pain, but don’t settle for less from him than you usually would.
Dating a widower isn’t easy. But women, let’s face it, any kind of dating isn’t easy. Every man comes with his own baggage and flaws. You just have to know how to deal with them. Here are some things you must know if you are going out with a widower.
He will feel guilty about feeling happy
Usually when people find a mate they are happy, but in this case happiness can be tempered with guilt. Widowers will feel guilty that they are still able to be happy, while their spouse isn’t. They also worry that others might judge them and think they didn’t love their wife.
You will have face some challenges
Be prepared that her pictures and personal possessions will be all around his house. With time he should start removing them, if he is serious about you two. But if he doesn’t he might not be ready to move on, but you definitely should. You will also face some emotional challenges. The day she died or her birthday will be hard on him. Women who are widowers dating have to be prepared for these moments. Be his shoulder to cry on, but not his therapist.
Arm yourself with patience, because boy, you will need it. Never assume how he is feeling. Let him know that he can talk to you whenever he needs to and that you are there for him. However, let him know what you want and expect from him, too. If he is just wallowing in his sadness and not making sure your emotional needs are being met, it might be time to move on. If his wife has passed a long time ago and everyone is still pampering him, he might be a little bit selfish. It is not his fault but he might have forgotten how to date. He must be sensitive to you, as you are to him.
It will hurt sometimes
You will probably wonder if he will ever love you like he loved his late wife, if you will ever be as important as she was. These thoughts will hurt and you have to be prepared for that. You will ask yourself if he will ever stop really being her husband and if he will create a new identity that doesn’t involve her. Every holiday you will worry that something will trigger memories of her. No one said that widower dating is easy. It will require a lot of patience and effort, but sometimes it will really pay off.