Dating a widower may be a little more complicated than “regular” dating. You must have more patience, pay more attention to what you say and take it really slow. Do not despair. Any kind of dating has its own set of rules, and these are the ones for widower dating. Follow these guidelines and you will have a positive dating experience.
Do not compare his late wife to your deceased friends
If he tells you that his wife died from cancer or some other disease, do not start talking about your friends who died the same way. Maybe you are trying to let him know that he isn’t alone in his pain, but this kind of behavior might seem a little bit selfish. It can look like you are making the conversation about his late wife all about you and your loss. On the other hand, he probably doesn’t want to go through all that pain again and be reminded of all those invasive operations and subsequent radiation his wife went through. Keep some things to yourself.
Do not give unwanted life advice
If your guy was married for years, that doesn’t mean he was living in a cave. He is well aware of his options and the world around him. Telling him what he should do to ease his pain might just annoy him. All widowers receive a bunch of advice from their friends and family members. You just try being there for him when he needs it. If he wants an advice, do not worry, he will ask for it.
Don’t rush anything
If he has been married for a really long time, he will need time to adjust to the new situation. Even if he is ready to date again, you need to take it slow. Grieving is a long process, and keep in mind that some days will be great, and others hard. He will go through an emotional rollercoaster, and you have to be ready for it. However, if his late wife died several years ago and he is smothering you with his talk about her, move on. He put his wife on a pedestal and you will never come even close to her. If you don’t want to be compared to her for the rest of your life, it is time to pack your bags.
Don’t assume he is sad or depressed
His hobbies do not include wailing at his wife’s grave site and buying black clothing. Maybe his house isn’t a shrine to his late spouse. Maybe he will get sad sometimes, but not in front of you. Not all widowers are the same, so do not assume anything. Do not try to comfort him as soon as you find out that he is a widower. Maybe he has moved on with his wife and you will just make the whole situation awkward. Feel free to ask about his late wife. She was the major part of his life for many years and he probably can’t talk about his past without mentioning her.